When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?
As I sat in church and these words where spoken off the pull pit in a service I attended a while back, I felt it rock me to my core!
Am I limiting God because of my lack of faith in HIS ability in me, rather than my own ability?
For years I have walked a road with this writing and songwriting, a passion that started due to a devastating loss in my life, it became a place within the words of these poems and lyrics where I found a beautiful peace within the arms of my savior. The drive to get to know my Creator, a creator that gave me such love and acceptance, tender personal care and peace within the hardest time of my life. I found Him within the words. I found His voice in the way he spoke to me as I read the pages of His bible. How he was giving me my healing and answers to my questions within the words written over thousands of years and through many different sermons and testimonies people had experienced. He spoke to me in a way like no other, a specific special way that was just mine. He has taken so much time to be with me. I was desperate to share it.
But my insecurities in my ability due to my lack of training, has always been too strong to truly step out and see myself as worthy to offer up these songs. Over the past two years in growing through these blogs, I have always known inside what God was burning, and that He was the reason I was able to string these melodies and words into songs, but my lack of trust in man and myself due to past disappointments, was the biggest issue. Always seeking the acceptance of the people God put in my road expecting them to see what God has promised me, but yet always feeling that they where never able to support or encourage it. People from all other countries could support me, yet here at home, I struggled to find people that could offer even a little encouragement. “Could it be that they were trying to protect you, someone once asked”… But WHY? Do they not trust God’s ability to do the unexplainable…I thought this was the whole point?
Well maybe this is exactly it, the reason we as humans, who love our friends and family so much, try to kindly discourage the people in our lives, in order for them to avoid disappointment, thinking we are protecting them against pain and hardship or even embarrassment, for when they find out they are not actually as talented or called as they think, (or so WE think).
But could it be that we are not always able to see what God sees or has placed within another? That this very action caused by OUR own lack of Faith and vision in the fact that the Holy Spirit can and is working in anothers life, can our lack of vision over throw their confidence. Just because we can’t see, in turn causing insecurities within them to not trust the Spirit for their own path. It is a vicious cycle isn’t it?
We just can’t see into the future for what God will do, so how could we just support when it seems so incredibly outrageous? We believe in a miraculous God don’t we? He doesn’t need us to be trained. He needs us to be available. But for some reason we try micro manage each other, and I believe that that’s when we stop believing in the Holy Spirits power and start believing in our own abilities and training and or lack there off.
But in this life it all boils down to Confidence. Some have abundance yet others are still seeking. But with Gods Spirit and trust in Him I am happy to admit, it is something that grows in strength and Boldness when You press in and seek within His word, for some like me, it might just take some time.
My feelings of discouragement to step in and take a chance with this songwriting thing, came from numerous different occurrences in my path, I have found that people would say things that would be misconstrued in my mind to make me feel unworthy or not good enough. only a few of them like, “But maybe lead isn’t for you.” or “Wow the pianist really made you sound good this time”, or “Its a very big responsibility” As if I didn’t know that? or “You can’t sing that, choose something els, after you clearly heard from God that that was the one He intended, causing doubt in your mind in questioning your Spirit, or “Be careful God gave you words He can take it away.” Wow the last one was the weirdest of them all! Why would anyone say this. God loves us so much and He wants us to grow the gifts He gives us. He doesn’t take stuff away to teach us a lesson, we do that to ourselves due to our own thought patterns of pain and distrust, disappointments due to words spoken that were not thought through properly and ended up causing hurts and in turn lack in confidence. Do we as people no realize how much pain we spread around by not believing and trusting the Holy Spirit fully, even if we cannot see what He is up to?
Have you ever been in a situation where others would be elevated above you, yet you are never the receiver for any of it. It draws your mind to feel unworthy within your gift. When you feel the people around you are unsupportive, or disinterested. When nobody seems to have time for you, even just to reply to a outcry for advice, or even bother to reply to a message.
Although I knew that my strength and encouragement should always come from God himself, I still found myself aching for just a little guidance from friends.
As I felt these feelings, I started not wanting to talk about this part of my life with the people near to me at all, as I always felt they seemed irritated by my excitement for the hand of God on these words. To see that the people that meant so much in my life was never the people that took the time to actually support or even just read one of my blogs. It hurt. Everyone always seemed too busy. It makes a person feel saddened at how everyone in this world needs support, but everyone is too busy with their own things to see that someone ells might be needing help, or just an encouraging word, yet they always welcome it for themselves.
I have watched people be mean to or about others, that are passionate about Jesus and what He was doing in their lives, even behind their backs, just because they did not understand, or maybe because they were jealous or just couldn’t see the hand of God. I have watched and heard how religious leaders talk about each other and other people as fanatics purely because they are a little over the top excited at what God is doing. I have been saddened at the way man deems it fair to speak about another they don’t even know, purely because of them not seeing the Holy Spirits working for themselves within the others life?
Just because you can’t see or relate, doesn’t give you the right to hurt or demotivate another. But I see that this is unfortunately just how this world works. People will be people, and when they are uncomfortable or blinded or hurt, they do things without realizing. Does it make it right? No, of course not. But reality is that we have to be able to handle the reality of life as well, and we have to and need to become stronger in our Spirit, with the Help of His. Only when we fully connect and encounter the true love of the Father and experience the working of His Spirit, only then, when we start trusting Him, will the things of this world no more effect or deter us from what God is busy doing within each of us for His purposes and plans.
1 Thessalonians 5:10-11
10 He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him. 11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
As I have these feelings, I cannot exempt myself from this conversation either. I don’t understand everything God does, I don’t know all the answers, and sometimes I also find my faith taking a little back step due to the stresses of this world. I have sometimes stood in a worship set unable to enter in, due to my thoughts being of this very kind, not trusting the Holy Spirits release through a person but rather judging the persons heart that was singing or speaking!
God works in everyone, even the one you see doing all the wrong things, He is there with him in his process of growth, as lovers of God we should encourage and not doubt the possibilities of the others walk with Christ. But rather pray for their breakthrough and learn to trust the Holy Spirit for all our experiences. He wants us to be confident!
He wants us to be confident in Him, but as people of His Kingdom, why do we prefer mediocre faith, and not extravagant faith. It makes us feel awkward and uncomfortable when someone is a little too in Love with the God we serve… ‘Just tone it down a bit’. Or when a person is showing signs of spiraling down a black hole, we think they can’t be used for Gods work? When did we start looking at the person and forget about the Spirit within. Your encouragement might just be the thing that raises up the next Peter or John for Jesus, out of the broken soul you have doubts towards.
Now don’t get me wrong, I understand and fully agree that in a large congregational setting with many new seeking hearts, there is a time and a place to step deeper in with the Holy Spirit, allowing yourself to really fully connect and encounter the Glory of the Lord, and that such a passionate and outwardly demonstration is not always comfortable for new believers to encounter, and so these spiritual times should be entrusted to God in respect of the hearts that are just not ready. As spiritual leaders we are to be in tune with the Holy Spirits sympathetic love to the broken heart that is still filled with distrust, fear and doubt of Gods existence. We cannot control Him, but we can discern His needs for our behavior in public. I once heard a great worshipper say, you are to step in extravagantly connected to the Holy Spirit in your quite private space, but be sensitive and aware of the calling He has for His people in public, its not about you but the overflow from your private space and about them.
I wonder now if we always understand as spiritual leaders that our personal walk with God should be a more powerful one in our secret place than the visible walk for others. I feel our walk should be that of honesty and transparency, but of baring fruit and visible growth rather than scaring the new hearts. I personally have never known what it feels like to have an outwardly experience in public, I feel due to my personality I am more private with my walk, but that is who I am. God might one day change that, and I pray it would be something that would be completely out of my control and fully Holy Spirit driven because of the trust we have in each other. Other people might have more outrageous personalities and such incredible boldness. I applaud them for being so vocal and open. Not caring what the world has to say and just totally being able to let go and step in.
I suppose my writing these things down Is my own type of boldness if you think about it. My blogs are my thoughts and I don’t care what anyone has to say, because I am allowed to feel and write what ever I want to, as long as I am sure that I honor what God lays on my heart to be true, necessary and kind. My writing is to encourage others to look within and possibly see the revelation God has shown me, and to possibly help within their own lives to grow stronger in Him.
I don’t like hurting peoples feelings and rather write to share what God highlights within my walk and growth from the trials I walk through. How He changes ME. Jesus shines the light on my own growth and where I need to work on issues within my walk, and so helps me to understand the thoughts and feelings that sometimes is used by the enemy to create destruction and distance in my mind, and so God shows me His truths. All be it a lot of times it comes through what people do to each other unknowingly. I get to see How Gods grace is to soften my heart not to walk in the hurts, pain and offences we so easily can cause ourselves, but rather to grow my own character to have that same grace for those causing theses things in our lives, as they are all on a personal journey of growth.
Now that said, why would we not want to be outwardly and extravagantly in love with the creator that made us. Why cant’ we be fanatically in love. But when we are not willing to give a person the chance to step out in what they feel the Holy Spirit is prompting, we as believers shut them down, deem them unworthy and belittle the Holy Spirit that has been promised to all. God did not promise the Holy Spirit just to you… He gave Him TO EVERYONE. Even those you snicker at as strange. They were given the same Spirit, yet maybe just experience His a little different to you.
My revelation within this blog today is that, yes people can be terribly mean in this world, terribly judgmental in religion and ridiculously opinionated towards others when they cannot se what God sees. But that’s just it.
ITS what God sees that’s important. And if we keep looking out and never look in, How will we ever allow God to do what He wants and has planned for the next step in our lives, or others. WE ARE LIMITING HIM, due to our distrust that His Spirit is within us and others! We need to keep pushing and never give up on the call we feel from His Spirit, He speaks to you the whole time through your gifts and your talents, drawing you near and begging you to use what He has placed in your hands currently, right now.
Don’t waste time! Use what and where your path is on, at the moment, make the best of your situation, if You can prove to Him that You can grow the piece of Silver that He has given you right now, He can Bless you with a bigger responsibility in the future. But if you are going to stick it in the ground for safekeeping, then my friend, YOU ARE LIMITING GOD, just like I have been doing.
No matter what you have in your hands currently. Whether your dream is to be something ells, but you are in a situation that is completely different currently, MAKE THE BEST OF WHERE YOU ARE. But NEVER stop growing and seeking for what’s burning within you.
I walked with a feeling of unworthiness for so many years. But with one bold step after years of seeking growing and learning as much as I am capable of within the songwriting words God burns from my pen. I know now, that God had been preparing me for what is to come. For when I have learnt enough, I would be able to contain it all. My current position in this life… my training ground. There are specific steps in life we have to take, there are procedures in business we have to adhere to, there are lessons we need to endure, that make us stronger to enlarge our tentpegs in order to contain the blessing God wants to release in our lives.
I have learnt hard lessons in business, by not adhering to procedures and policies that are given as guidelines to business owners to run companies safely. Just because I never wanted to run a business but rather a family of friends working together. But God has shown me, that He loves me the way I am, but needs me to respect His plan and prepare properly putting the right things in place for my business to run professionally, and safely. Because when He gives us something, He expects us to take care of it. As a leader in my Business I am taking care of the wellbeing of my workers future as well, in order for the business to be able to contain the blessings it will receive from God. This lesson has taught me to be prepared and organized for the future with my songwriting I now finally see. I cannot have my songs in 40 different places saved all over three computers, not registered by Samro and not properly documented. I am not honoring God by not being organized and ready for what He has planned for them. If I am not going to grow the little that’s in my hand now, how can I contain what He wants to bless me with, and if I am not confident in Him? And as I now start writing songs for others to release to Gods people, I am starting to honor God by being more organized, due to the hard lessons I have learnt in business and in life…the places He used to prepare me for whats to come.
I want to end this blog with this encouraging word.
STOP LIMITING GOD!
Use the position that you are in to the best of your abilities in honor of Him. Although you might not feel its where you want to be, I believe it is the place He needs you to be right now, and it will be a great experience if you can appreciate the training you are receiving and the stretching He is doing in order for you to contain the greatness He is wanting to shower you with… but only when you are large enough to contain it all. Let Him stretch you as far and wide as He can…. There is so much more He wants to give once you are ready. Don’t ever under estimate what the Spirit can do.
Trust the Holy Sprit within …. And trust the Holy Spirit within others.
Follow the Lords instructions from His word –
Final Instructions 1 Thessalonians 5: 12-28
12 Now we ask you, brothers and sisters, to acknowledge those who work hard among you, who care for you in the Lord and who admonish you. 13 Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other. 14 And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. 15 Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else.
16 Rejoice always, 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
19 Do not quench the Spirit. 20 Do not treat prophecies with contempt 21 but test them all; hold on to what is good, 22 reject every kind of evil.
23 May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. 24 The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.
25 Brothers and sisters, pray for us. 26 Greet all God’s people with a holy kiss. 27 I charge you before the Lord to have this letter read to all the brothers and sisters.
28 The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you.
I would love to hear your thoughts and feelings, lets start encouraging Gods’ people to dig deeper and release what the Spirit burns within.