My ‘PERIODS OF CRAZY’
Explanation – A period of time where you willingly choose to stay in your current emotion; joint with a form of a crutch through a rebellious need for self-preservation due to previous hurts or insecurity.
God’s Piling On the Pain
1 This is what Jeremiah told Baruch one day in the fourth year of Jehoiakim’s reign as he was taking dictation from the prophet:
2-3 “These are the words of God, the God of Israel, to you, Baruch. You say, ‘These are bad times for me! It’s one thing after another. God is piling on the pain. I’m worn out and there’s no end in sight.’
4-5 “But God says, ‘Look around. What I’ve built I’m about to wreck, and what I’ve planted I’m about to rip up. And I’m doing it everywhere—all over the whole earth! So forget about making any big plans for yourself. Things are going to get worse before they get better. But don’t worry. I’ll keep you alive through the whole business.’”
What a year, with such hard lessons but such great revelations.
As I came across this passage in God’s word I relate to the feelings of ‘wow is me’ that Baruch was walking with. In 2016 I looked forward to a new adventure as we all do on the last day of the year in expectation for new possibilities and stepping into promise- as if the 31st of December you automatically cancel out everything and the 1st of January everything starts fresh and new. But as for the past, I don’t know how long? Including this year, I found 2017 once again has been an incredibly hard year to walk through and even harder than the one before.
As I have pondered what I should write about -because I have sooooo many personal lessons where God has shown me the cracks in my pottery. I look back and see how He allows me to go through my ‘periods of crazy’ and to experience things in order to relate better to others while walking within His incredible grace and love. He graciously and patiently waits to show me the truth within these cracks at the perfect time, in order for me to be able to receive the lesson and the revelation willingly. He doesn’t at all force it on me, no He takes each minute of my life to plan perfectly, and with such care while preparing me for each revelation. It’s never a forced thing, it’s always gentle and at the perfect timing, because He knows my nature so well. What is the perfect time you might think? Well for me it’s when I finally give in. When I finally hand over. It’s when I finally stop this nonsense of rebelling in my personal bubble of me and start listening to the call he places on my heart. That thing inside that keeps reminding me to stop my nonsense and listen to His voice of reason. He constantly tells me when I am wrong.
Although… Sometimes I just choose not to listen. And this makes for a long, hard and troublesome time, like the one I had this year. My ‘Period of crazy.’
I now see how when you are in your ‘period of Crazy’ I am calling it; you are totally unable to see reason. No one can tell you what to do, what to feel or how to react. It’s a time in one’s life where you literally willingly self-destruct with crutches that are always very short lived in satisfying, such as shopping for stuff to make you feel better, defending a wrong or toxic relationships, over eating and indulging in food or even obsessive control over diets, even excessive exercising, OCD and so much more. Why? Because life just got too much, and so we seek a space of control where we feel in control or at ‘peace’ even just a short time to retreat from reality. Hurts, disappointments, financial strain due to wrong decisions or even ones totally out of our control. Heartache through a breakup, maybe a feeling of lack of love received, lack of recognition received, no communication, insecurities, no support from friends or loved ones, rejection and so many more things that can pile up in your life until one day you find yourself unknowingly in a place where you’ve become :- completely over weight, obsessing about exercise, over compensating with people pleasing, taking drugs, over working, stuck in an abusive relationship or the normal one thing most of us see as something just to relax at the end of the day – needing that one glass of wine at night. But that one glass every other night for me, became more like one per night then some nights two, then always an excuse to have one because there was something on and it went on like that while I tried to find my feet in this big world of stress and purpose of normal day to day living, and so I found it hard to say no to my own better judgement.
I blamed the circumstance and the person poring the glass, but never myself for picking up the glass- no one poured it down my throat, reality was, I was weak and I chose to do it even though I knew it was wrong, I hated drinking all the time, I didn’t need it or hardly ever had too much as I hate not feeling in control, but the way it became a norm for us to just have a glass of wine, and defend it to death while joking about it with fellow friends and customers feeling the same about life. I found myself hating the process but needing it more because I needed to just find a space to relax after the day’s stresses that just kept coming at me more and more. But that glass or sometimes two every other night or every night to relax was causing me to feel horrible the next day making me tired because my extremely sensitive body (because Panado makes me sleep for two days to give you an idea) I would wake up during the night unable to fail back to sleep due to the stimulation from the alcohol, I would go to work dehydrated and tired needing my next stimulant – Coffee (another dehydrating substance) which would cause me to seek the wrong foods to give energy which created lows and feelings of irritation exacerbating anxiousness, and all this would once again, because of a bad and unhealthy day, create the need for that one glass of wine again at night to relax and so starting the process all over again. These are all things we do to escape our reality just for a little while to find a space of relaxation. A Crutch. But as you see they create cycles that feed each other into the next cycle of our own destruction.
The pleasure and escape within them are short lived and empty, but followed by more pain and drama, they can never fill the void we need within.
Why on earth am I telling you about this time of my life I was thinking this morning? It’s embarrassing to share that after all these revelations God has shown me over the past now three years of writing these blogs, I still wasn’t this perfect in control child of God.
Well, because of Paul revelation in God’s word that spoke to my heart.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
I don’t want to be like everyone ells, trying to portray perfection in fear of judgement. I want to boast in my weaknesses and how God is my strength. I want to boast in His love for me and in His love for You. I want to show people how He takes such care in protecting and guiding us to the day where He shows us that when on our knees in weakness, we finally give Him the opportunity to show us really how much He cares, as we have released our control of stuff, over to Him. In our weakness He shows His glory, the Glory that belongs to Him.
Why would you ever complain, O Jacob,
or, whine, Israel, saying,
“God has lost track of me.
He doesn’t care what happens to me”?
Don’t you know anything? Haven’t you been listening?
God doesn’t come and go. God lasts.
He’s Creator of all you can see or imagine.
He doesn’t get tired out, doesn’t pause to catch his breath.
And he knows everything, inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired,
gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out,
young folk in their prime stumble and fall.
But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.
They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don’t get tired,
they walk and don’t lag behind.
Today I handed my control of my life completely over to my Lord, each individual crack that I have held onto I gave over in order for Him to fill them up with his anointing and healing oil. Am I perfect now? No- Perfection belongs to Him alone. Will I stumble and fall? Probably if I still have things within my life that I am unaware of, yes, but if its’ for Him I will gladly stay teachable and transparent to my faults until the day I die, because truly, my strength is in Him alone. To realise that we all have ‘periods of crazy’ and that the choice is totally ours to step out of them and to allow God to fill the void on a permanent basis making our pottery solid with His holy spirit rather than having these crutches that are short lived in their satisfying capabilities is a revelation I have needed to have in order to once again see the total and ultimate power God has in our life to make us whole and complete. He takes away the hurts and the needs for earthly things, and makes us strong enough to handle the things of this earth. He opens our eyes to the hidden cracks within our lives so he can heal them and replace the pain with love, but it’s only if we CHOOSE to trust Him for it all. He is a jealous God, He does not want to share us, and once we choose Him whole heartedly the troubles of this world loses all its power. The fears of failure and the worry for the outcome of troubles in life disappear. Because if we learn to trust Him in those times we can freely fall into the safety of the knowledge that ‘He’s got this’ and that we will rise on wings like eagles and run and not get tired, He has always got the plan plotted out for His greater purpose.
Next time anxiety or stress grips your throat in fear, or frustration, anger or disappointment due to circumstances or occurrences, whatever is pushing your button at the time speak to yourself to focus your trust on Him. Have a chat with the Lord and tell Him your fears and worries. Release the control over to Him and don’t get stuck into the things that give us escape from realities that actually just make everything worse. Keep your mind clear so you can Hear God speak. If you fill it with other things, you might miss the commands and the answers from His heart.
I pray today if you are reading this and you are a person that have chosen (like I did at the time) to be in a ‘period of crazy’ that you will make the choice so that God can give you this revelation that He is the one and only true crutch to lean on. But if you are someone that has a loved one that you are worried about that’s currently in a ‘period of crazy’ that you will go on your knees and pray for them, and that you will remember to handle that person with love and acceptance until they are ready to hear the truth, if you want to be a part of their healing, cause take it from me they need positive encouragement, support and PRAYER above all else to make the choice to step out of that space.
CHOOSE LIFE that’s everlasting not short lived crutches that will forever leave you needing more.