LUKE 6:38
Give and You will receive. Your gift will return to you- pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.

Dictionary explanation- A person predominantly concerned with their own thoughts and feelings rather than with external things. A Shy, reticent person.

Wow, how that nocked my wind out when I looked it up! – predominantly concerned with their own thoughts and feelings- ouch!

I never saw myself as an introvert, until my husband pointed it out the other day before my meeting with our worship pastor about songwriting.
This little reality check from my husband, all though I never realized had planted itself and started to grow, it took root and presented itself to me at our next worship practice meeting.
I was closed off, unapproachable, friendly but guarded, and introspective.
​1​characterized by or given to introspection.”he grew withdrawn and introspective”
3​inward-looking, self-analysing, self-examining, self-observing

I came home, complaining, and angry with myself, that I needed my husband with me, as I felt people drew towards him. He just had this beautiful way of everyone feeling comfortable with him, and around him… when He chooses to. He always seems so comfortable in his own skin around people, where I felt awkward with new people in groups especially.
I walked away disappointed in myself, and questioning Gods plan.

I spiraled back into my old ways of self consciousness, self doubt and insecurities. And then haha dare I say it self pity! Sies, so many things I had worked so hard on all back in one gush of pride. Flooding my thoughts and feelings, and inhibiting any reason from entering my heart.

1 Peter 5:7
Casting the whole of your care (all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all) on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully.

It’s something I have been working on so hard, this confidence building thing. I have been wanting to scream it from the roof tops, that people aren’t all born with it, so give them a little encouragement, and you’ll see them bloom. But what confidence was I working on?

Self confidence… that’s where I went wrong all this while.

After 15 years of building relationships and growing in Gods word with Amazing friends and family that God placed on my path, I thought I was a confident extrovert, or at least growing into one without receiving or needing it from people. I knew I struggled with confidence in sharing with others the dreams and gifts God gave me especially in certain areas like singing and my song writing, I put that all down to the fact that it was so close to my heart, as it was something God gave me, a gift from his heart for my healing, the words I am allowed to place on paper that God pours from His heart to mine, but now I see, a space where I have struggled to trust Him the most for its purpose. A space where I have needed mans confirmation to give me the thumbs up.

But other than that I am a peoples person I love people, it’s part of my job, but wow I was so deluded!

Over the past year and two months, We as a family have taken the time to just ‘be’, within the body of Christ. After 15 years of actively serving In His church I had found myself enjoying the relaxing yet also challenging space of being in a new church as a ‘pew warmer’. It’s been wonderful in ways of family togetherness for us, and an amazing space of self examination for myself. To be in a church of over 2000 plus people that daily grows it seems, is not just exciting, but I have found can also be daunting. It doesn’t matter how incredible the food is that we receive from Gods word given through Our incredibly anointed pastor, or how many spaces the church creates for us to connect, the reality is, we have to make the decision to step in and connect with Gods people again. We have to make the effort!

As I venture into the next step of this path God has for me, I have realize how hard it is to create relationships without time for me. Talking to someone for a short while once every two weeks doesn’t create a relationship, or can it?

Stepping back into the worship ministry has been an incredibly daunting thing for me this year.
New people, new expectations, and new relationships. Although this big step of us moving our family to this new adventure with God has been a blessing in many ways it’s also been tough to step out and then to have the courage to step back in again, especially when you start seeing the cracks in your own pottery. And believe me, I have seen mine this past year!

As a family we have always done things together, it’s what has made us strong. But this year God opened the door for me to step back in to worship on my own. A very daunting thing for me as I have realized how much I depend on my husband for his strength, personality and support. But what I have learnt over the past three years about my own personality, the purpose and my need for Jesus has been such an incredibly fulfilling and freeing revelation.

You see, it doesn’t matter how big or small the church is that you find that God has placed you in. It doesn’t matter, if you find yourself in a church filled with warm welcoming people, or a church with busy extroverted go getters for God type of people, or any church with any type of people friends or strangers. It is no ones job to make you fit it. You see no one can make you fit in, if you have chosen to be insecure and introverted.

Wow, and how I have chosen to occupy that space for a while!

I have had ALOT of self discovery this year, the hardest discoveries of them all have probably been this one of introversion and the reality of looking ‘in’ that I have done.

Realizing that people all around us struggle with pretty much exactly the same thing has been such an eye opener for me. God showed me, how we all have the same problem. And it’s called insecurity. Wether you are an introvert shy and worried what people would think and say about your gifting, that causes you to hide in your shell due to lack of confidence and the feeling that you totally ‘duffed it’, or an extrovert- shy and worried what people would say that your wild and out there confidence is just to much, causing you to suppress you gifting, we all walk with it. Some have just found the answer. And He is called The Trinity.

God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit. Not just one or the other. No, all!

I realized that these words I have written, contained the little words that I never realized were tormenting me all along WORDS THAT I DIDNT WANT TO ADMIT TO. They are SELF AND IN.

To name just a few.
My revelation with the help of our very wise and willing team of worshippers and their transparency and honesty guided by a fresh and honest God fearing and loving worship pastor and team, is this.

Take the love of Jesus, the guidance of the Holy Spirit and Replace the ‘Self’ and the ‘in’ with God in your mind and in you heart.
God confidence
Gods assurance
Gods perspective
God security
Approach every situation, confidently with Gods heart, the love of Jesus and the Glory of the Holy Spirits guidance, and watch the people find safety in your loves approach. See how people you might only see once or twice a month, become brothers and sisters, as we are in Christ.

Realizing we are all seeking approval, and finding it in Jesus, is the most revolutionary and exciting space to be in. Open up your heart to the Holy Spirit and approach you next situation with a positive and Self less approach and see how much easier it is for people to become more than a friend in Jesus, they become a brother and a sister.
We are all still seeking, so let’s start seeking together for each other, in an encouraging motivational way. If we give out to others more than we seek for ourselves, we will see the Glory at Gods hands in this path He has towards His everlasting Kingdom.

Be blessed in God confidence!

I pray for your life that you embrace…Gods-plan.

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