HEALTHY BOUNDARIES


HEALTHY BOUNDARIES

Ever been at the receiving end of being abused for your good nature?
Ever been disappointed and flabbergasted by the mistreatment of your generosity by people you trusted or tried to help?
Ever been floored by the reality that people could be so oblivious of their selfish actions that directly affect the actual people that care and support them?
Ever experienced a person with such an entitled view of life that they just can’t realize how their selfish actions affect the good friends they had, that now fizzle away?
Ever been a friend to someone that just can’t see the damage they cause?
Or
Are you that person?
Have you become that person because of your hurt received through others?
Ever been that person that noticed friends abandoning you without explanations?
Ever experienced people around you treating you differently without explanation?
Ever experience people start standing up against you in an irritable way?
Ever just experienced friendships disappear?

What a revelation this one has been for me.

As I get to speak to many people from all walks of life in my business, I have realized while going through all these questions in my life, that most of us have been there at either the receiving end or the giving end, possibly if we are being real, we have been at both sides.

The questions God asked me through all the drama that had happened in this revelation walk of Gods plan for my life is this.

Will this make you cynical?
Will this darken your heart?
Will this change the way you look at my people?
Will this change your generous heart?
Will you be able to still love?
And most of all-
Will You be able to forgive… like I did?

Struck down by disappointment and a sense of sadness by the realities of a dark world, I voiced to my friends this past week, my dream of going back to my rainbow world, the time where God clearly sheltered me from the realities of the darkness of peoples hearts and actions In This world.
The place where I didn’t see the hurt… that hurting people cause.
A time where I only looked for the Gold within everyone, where I willingly would give without expecting. A time where I only saw the nice and never tried to draw out the negative in what people do and say. I knew about their darkness but refused to concentrate on it, I wanted to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I wanted to go back there to a time where I believed encouragement and love is what people need to unearth the goodness within them, a little love could help anyone find their goodness and bury their weak dark self.
I suppose the place where I excused peoples actions because I saw their hurt.

I feel deeply for people struggling with their demons, people that are going through heartache and strain, depression and anxiety due to the worlds attacks.

But for a while now, I have been given The gift of being at the receiving end of some of these walks where God has shown me that we all are given choices, and some people choose to constantly take the wrong path but blame others for their pain. And shoe does it hurt.

I have always been aware of the possibility of people’s wrong choices and how they blame others for their troubles- but still wanted to try help! I would suffer the consequences if I could just see at least one person find their Gold within!

But I had no Healthy boundaries.

I have been reckless in My walk. I have not realized how this outlook has affected my family and what God blessed me with. In my recklessness in seeking to help others, I have also taken from my own. Putting my family in financial strain, causing my business to suffer lack of resources because of my open hand and need to help others all while they just keep taking regardless of how it affects me. Was I starting to becoming the hurting person? Allowing Resentful thoughts, disappointment, judgment, and this hurt that causes hurt to darken my usually rainbow outlook?
Well I suppose for a while yes. I see the cracks that Gods light now highlighted within me, and what I have learnt is this.

To trust God above all else.
To Honor and be grateful for what God gave me.
To trust Him above all.
To discern in His love, while always following His guidance.
To not be an enabler in my seeking of the Gold within people.
To not be so Empathetic that I am blinded by truths.
To give to a point, but rather entrust the people to Gods hands in prayer.
To have healthy boundaries, and to know when to say no without feeling guilty.
To not need so much from man.
But most of all To not become cynical and hardened in my pursuit of His gold.

The answers to the questions God placed on my heart is this.

Will this make you cynical?
Lord no, because you keep trying to help us, so so will I.
Will this darken your heart?
Lord no, because you keep shining for us, so so will I.
Will this change the way you look at my people?
Lord no, because you keep Pursuing me, so so will I.
Will this change your generous heart?
Lord no, because You keep giving, so so will I
Will you be able to still love?
Lord yes, because you keep loving me, so so will I
And most of all-
Will You be able to forgive… like I did?
Lord YES, because You gave Your life to us all.

He helped me see the bigger picture and the reality of the Human ways- of my ways.

What I have learnt, is that EVERYONE, when pushed in a corner without seeing a way out, wether it is financially or emotionally they will do what’s best for themselves. Call it fight or flight.
It’s a response to protect oneself that the mind automatically moves to. A person doesn’t always realize in that instance how they can negatively affect others and they become oblivious about their selfish actions, because they are in that defensive mode. Being depressed about a situation they have found themselves in, makes a person care less about others and become consumed by their own struggles.

Is it right? No
Can they/we help it? Sure
How? God ALWAYS GOD
What can we do about it if we are in this situation where we face being this person, or maybe being in the cross fires of such a hurting person?
Pray, and Gods word gives us many ideas and answers for this.

Researching this subject in the Bible I found even Jesus had healthy boundaries that we can imitate for our own lives to avoid burnout in life, ministry, friendship and business.
Jesus also had basic needs on earth. He was human that had a body that needed rest physically and spiritually as He was faced with all the same struggles and more.

See more in this very insightful right up I found- https://www.soulshepherding.org/1998/07/jesus-set-boundaries/

Matthew 4:6-7
John 26:18

Jesus, in his Incarnation, had Limits that he Accepted.

Basic Needs.
He ate healthy foods, got the sleep he needed and even took naps, took time to relax, and did a lot of walking (Matt 4:6-7; 26:18, 20; John 12:2).
Support from Friends. He sought the company of friends (Matt 26:36-38).
Solitude. He withdrew from the crowds to go away on retreat, alone or with friends.

Singular Focus
(This people, this place, this time). He left one city to go to another because he couldn’t be in two places at the same time (Mark 1:38).
Pace of Life. He was never in a hurry, except to go to Jerusalem and embrace his cross (John 11:6; Mark 10:32).

Abandon Outcomes.
Jesus was tempted to become paralyzed with fear about the cross. Satan and his demons, along with many people who hated him, were trying to kill him. Would he make it to the cross to die for us, to be “lifted up” publicly so as it draw people to God? He let go. He chose not to force things, but to trust the Father’s will. He abandoned to the Father the outcomes of his sufferings and trials to come, as he always did. (Mark 14:32-42)

Jesus Said No to Inappropriate Behavior Demands.
He withdrew from the crowds who wanted him, for one-on-one time with the Father (Luke 5:15-16).
Abuse. He fought his way through the crowd that was trying to throw him off a cliff for claiming to be the Messiah  (Luke 4:28-30).

Entitlement.
He didn’t give in to his mother and brothers who tried to use their relationship with him to pull him away from the crowd he was ministering to (Matthew 12:46-50).
Baiting Questions. When the religious leaders asked him baiting questions to make him look foolish he answered with incisive questions of his own (Matthew 21:23-27, 22:15-22).
Cynicism. He said no to Herod’s mocking demand, “Show us a sign that you are the Son of God.” (Luke 23:8-9).

Manipulation.
He said no to Peter and the disciples who had an inappropriate agenda for Jesus to a political king or military warrior rather than a sacrificial lamb. (Matthew 16:23).
Pride. He didn’t heal those who were too proud to trust Him (Matthew 13:58).
Jesus Spoke the Truth in Love to those Stuck or Wrong
Exploitation. He used a whip to clear out the temple of the vendors and money changers who were taking advantage of the poor and turning God’s house into a marketplace (Matthew 21:12-17, John 2:12-16).

Addiction.
He told the Rich Young Ruler that he couldn’t help him until he gave away the money that was controlling him (Matthew 19:16-21).
Misguided. He rebuked the disciples who tried to keep the little children away from him and told them that they needed to emulate the children’s faith (Matthew 19:13-15).

Jesus Had Expectations for People in Need
What do you want? Two blind men called out to him for help from the Jericho road.  He asked them, “What do you want me to do for you?”  They needed to ask for what they needed and they needed to trust Him (Matthew 20:29-34).
Do you want to get well? For 38 years the invalid at the Sheep gate pool hadn’t been able to get into the miracle waters.  He felt helpless and sorry for himself.  He expected someone to fix his problem.  Jesus challenged him, “Do you want to get well?… Get up!  Pick up your mat and walk.” It was up to him to be motivated and to take responsibility for himself (John 5:1-14).
Do you believe? A father sought deliverance for his son who was mute and had seizures and said to Jesus, “If you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”  Jesus put it back on the father, “`If you can’?  Everything is possible for him who believes.”  The father needed to believe that Jesus could cure his son (Mark 9:17-27).

Jesus Offered Grace and Truth According to the Need (John 8:1-11)
The humble and broken. To the woman caught in adultery he offered grace (“Neither do I condemn you.”) and truth (“Go and sin no more.”).
The proud and self-righteous. To the Pharisees who tried to condemn this woman and to trap Jesus he listened (grace) and then confronted their pride and scapegoating with the truth (“Let him who is without sin throw the first stone.”)

Jesus Taught us Examples of how to be Setting Boundaries
*Personal Prayer Time: “But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen” (Matthew 6:6).
*Be Honest and Direct (Don’t Pressure People or Try to Get Them to Do Things): “Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one” (Matthew 5:37).
*Set Priorities: “No servant can serve two masters.  Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other” (Luke 16:13).
*Please God, Not People: “How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?” (John 5:44).
*Obey God: “What do you think? There was a man who had two sons. He went to the first and said, ‘Son, go and work today in the vineyard.’  ‘I will not,’ he answered, but later he changed his mind and went.  Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, ‘I will, sir,’ but he did not go. Which of the two did what his father wanted?” “’The first,’ they answered” (Matthew 21:28-31).

So as you see, we are given examples by God and in the way Jesus lived on how to create Healthy boundaries for all aspects of our lives.

We have to get to a place where we feel it healthy to say no to people and be ok with it. Being able to discern wether we are saying no for the right reasons. And the reasons we keep saying yes. Is your yes to really help them with that open hand, because you truly want to help them, or is your yes actually because you fear the disappointment of people in you, are you saying yes because you are the nice person that doesn’t want to hurt peoples feelings by saying no. Well in that case, I have seen the weakness the tiny crack in my pottery once again. I had that thought that I helped because I wanted to be like Jesus, and always love and help, be kind and generous. But I saw in this revelation, that I was also while being all those things, being WEAK and in need of approval of man once again. I didn’t want to disappoint people, I didn’t want people to not like me, I wanted people to think of me as nice, kind, generous, loving and all the things God said we should be. But ‘I wanted’ was the problem… from the wrong place! To what extent are you willing to go with that? We don’t have to work so hard for Gods love, He gives it for free.

Give when you can give without expecting anything back- not even a thank you. Don’t become resentful if it doesn’t work out or els rather not give. Be strong to know that your Yes is your yes with a giving heart, and your No is a No with a a graceful heart. And FORGIVE.

I truly hope this helps you if you are reading this, to create those healthy boundaries, and to always remember to follow the way of our Lord Jesus Christ while loving with GRACE and MERCY.
As I come to the end of this very tough lesson, where I realize again the faults and cracks in my pottery, where I see that for a short while I allowed the hurt settle in my heart that hurting people caused through their unknowing and self distracting actions, I understand and appreciate Gods unending and undying, graceful love for me and You a little more each day.

I pray you will be blessed with an open mind spirit and heart to see your tiny cracks in you path of finding Gods-plan for your life. It’s worth it all!

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